Mystery Manners

When I was growing up, our family dynamic was much the same as it is now. We all talk on top of each other, we interrupt, and chatter at the speed of light. My youngest sister developed this way of talking that still serves her today. She just couldn't ever get a word in edgewise; so she learned to dispense with pleasantries and jump in when she could, speaking at ten times the normal rate of human speech. I realize that she's not entirely to blame.

My mother is a "chatterer", as am I, and my other sister. Chatterers just get progressively louder and faster until the time space continuum unravels. My Father is a "pauser", but god-help-you if you try to interject something into his pause. He likes to say things like, "You know what that is.........*interminable pause*......", meanwhile you're thinking, "What??? WHAT IS WHAT THING??? PLEASE TELL ME!!!!"

My brother is fairly polite, but because he is the youngest in a family of gabbers he prefaces any question he has with, "Can I ask you a quick question?" as if to say, "PLEASE let me say something, I promise it won't take too much time, I just need to squeak out ONE teeeny tiny question, please let me talk!"

I think it's fair to say that in most difficult situations I'm not known for saying the right thing. I've always been a blurter. A leap before you looker. A blab before brains type. It has gotten me into trouble on a number of occasions, but as I get older and I try to become more evolved, it's something I'm working on. I'm making a decision to really try to listen more and be more polite in my conversations with people.

Most people think that what they have to say is the most important thing going on, but when did expressing our opinions come at the cost of pleasantries and polite discussions? Miss Manners says that the idea of etiquette is that you make other people feel more comfortable, more important and better about themselves. If you're too busy waiting for them to finish speaking so that you can interject your own tales of woe, or to top their accomplishments, or out "funny" them, then how will people perceive you? What feeling will they have when they leave the conversation?

I want to enjoy more pleasant exchanges in my life and leave parties and gatherings without a cloud of concern about something I may have said. It happens to me more than I care to mention. So, it's a little early for New Year's Resolutions, but it's always a good time to try to be a better listener and a kinder person. * leaf officially turned over *