oui...

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Originally uploaded by villanovababy.

Last night, we cooked dinner for my friend Gillian... I am really proud of my Steak Tartare, but the piece de' resistance was the Coq Au Vin which sadly did not photograph well. It was delicious though, as was the dessert we bought from Whole Foods... That's right, I CHEATED! Don't judge me... I can't choose between Creme Brulee, Amaretto Cream Cake and Fruit Tart...

Lost & Found

I have an ex that I occasionally check on. It's not anything really, except I want to know that he's okay. You know, that he didn't end up dead or in jail...with his crowd it's hard to say what might happen. And he was really my first "love". I used to say that it wasn't love, but then I realized that I really did make a choice to care about him and then stuck to it, even though it was all wrong for me.

A friend sent me a link to his MySpace page. To be perfectly frank, I never thought he would be on MySpace. He was always so private about his life. He looks healthy and happy, and I feel a bit of relief. I need to know where my history is. I like that I am friends with ex-boyfriends. I like to know that everyone is okay... There are a few people that I know I hurt (out of immaturity and selfishness) and I don't have any contact with them. The guilt I feel about that is something that always weighs on my mind. But, knowing that most of them have forgiven me or moved on and let go is enough I guess.

I feel a little guilty for my own happiness sometimes. After everything that happened in my life, the fact that I ended up with Tim is really sort of amazing. It's hard for me to trust it completely, I feel like something might happen and take it all away. But, I am trying to stop feeding into that insecurity. I don't want to wonder if I deserve this. I know that I don't, but at the same time, if this wasn't meant to be, then I know nothing else that is. Maybe I just fell into this big pot of sticky delicious luck. No matter what happens, I'm staying to soak it all in.

So, I send out apologies to those I've hurt, burned or wounded. To most all of you I've tried to say sorry and let you know it wasn't my intention. Sometimes, people are just screwed up. It took me a long time to find my way and become more aware of other people's feelings. I'm still learning and I hope that I can somehow repay the universe for any negativity I sent out.

My short story of musical wonder
My tired smile
Greets your tired heart at the door
Bruised and murdered
From her rapier wit
My comforting strangeness
Grasps at your colorless dreams
And forces them into
The stained glass windows of my future
The formidable pain she pasted
Over your opaque feelings
It’s music to my ears
It makes it easier
For me to dedicate
My love
My fears
My needs
And my righteous mornings
Of independent waves of ambition
To your
As yet unfulfilled
dreams of success
With her
It was hard and sharp
With taking
With me it’s not the same
And yet similar
I need you
Like she does
But I can carry it all
And she couldn’t
Even carry herself

~erin

Won't you be my neighbor?

So much newsy news....

1) I've been hired full time as a salaried Designer for my company. Along with that pleasant boost, I'm being given a nice package of perks, including... A CORNER OFFICE. That's right people. I'm going to have my own door and 3 windows. I'm big time now!

2) My sister Mary learned that she is going to have a GIRL! She is due in the beginning of June and they have chosen the name, " Annemarie Thomas".

3) We are seriously contemplating a move. We have a fact finding appointment set up with the bank next week to find out where we stand, and then.... It's on to the house hunt!

4) We are postponing Europe and the puppy. :( It kind of bums me out, but we've got to take care of some more important things first. (a.k.a. a car for Tim, Health Care, etc.) But we are still planning on locking in 2008 as the year of Erin & Tim Abroad. The puppy thing is being postponed until we get our own place. Plus, my Dad is in charge of breeding my Mom's Dachshund(Joy is her name), so until he finds another dog that thinks Joy is cute... we're just going to have to wait.


5) We just watched the movie, "The Queen" and it is excellent.... It's not for the action film lovers, it's a bit talky....but Helen Mirren is fantastic in it.

7) I'd like to send a shout out to my favorite people of the week: (excluding Tim of course...everyone knows he's ALWAYS my most favorite person)
Gillian "Winkie" Wink - She makes me laugh, she sends superior shopping links, and I find her smarty pantsyness to be good medicine
Jack "SSgt" Keeler - An old Frenemie that has come 'round due to all this reunion talk. A witty conversationalist and bonafide smart ass. Quality people...

That's all for now...

~erin

p.s. I submitted photos of Daisy to stuffonmycat.com, so keep your eyes peeled for her internet debut...

Sharing is caring...

Recently I received a package of old letters from a dear friend who lives in my home town. She was sort of a mentor to me when I was a teenager and always a really wonderful friend. I wrote her a few letters during Air Force basic training and during the first year when I was stationed in Montana. Most of the letters were just silly stuff about what I was up to. There was however one letter that she saved, and filed under "Erin's Performance Piece". I barely recall writing it... it was nearly 10 years ago after all... But I thought you all might get a kick out of it. Keep in mind that I was 18, bored, and possibly drunk while writing this....

*********************************************************************************
Dearest Carol,


I’m sorry I haven’t written in so long but unfortunately I have been in dire circumstances which have prevented me from corresponding. Fortunately, I can tell you about them if you promise to burn this letter after you’ve finished reading it.


Anyways, about 2 months ago, I was chosen for a high profile public appearances job for our overseas correspondents. A week after being chosen, I was whisked away in the black of night under a cloak of secrecy. I was taken to a small room and informed that because of my impeccable sense of fashion and natural charms, I had been chose to deliver a top secret map that had been placed on a tiny micro chip.


I instantly agreed (me being up for adventure and a chance to get out of Great Falls), and was expediently sworn in to a secret government agency called the S.F.U.A (Sophisticated Female Undercover Agents). I was outfitted with all the latest laser weaponry, a bullet proof red leather bodysuit and a matching Vespa scooter. Once my intense training period was over (only a couple of hours, mainly about how to walk without squeaking in my bodysuit) I was sent aboard the X-33 Space Shuttle and arrived in Bahrain, Saudi Arabia about 15 minutes later (long enough for my nails to dry). With the micro-chip hidden deep inside my sinus cavities, I embarked on a dangerous journey through the Arabian underworld.

* intermission *


My first contact was a Mr. Joe Camel of Camel, Camel, & Emu Industries. He was devastatingly handsome, suave, debonair, and very, very, very dangerous. I was supposed to pose as a food taster but when he laid eyes on me, he knew that this bleached blond was no ordinary Harem girl ( I knew I should have worn a wig!). He allowed me to stay, but I was under close scrutiny. One night, as I was tasting all the delicacies, he started questioning me about me. In flawless Arabic, I told him my life story in an operetta I had written the night before. He was so moved, he had to retire for the evening. During all the fuss and bustle over his condition, I was able to slip away and peek into His files. I stole a list of Arabic spies that was much needed by the S.F.U.A. Unfortunately, the list was very long and I had nowhere to hide it. So, I rewrote it in Chinese on my underwear. (I had to write very small, you know we have to wear thongs with our bodysuits otherwise you get WICKED panty lines)

As I snuck away from the Camel estate, I was captured by 3 thugs from that had been sent by the S.F.U.A.’s arch enemies, the D.M.U.A. (Debonair Male Undercover Agents) who were jealous of out inexplicable abilities in elusive government projects. I was taken to the Gulf and thrown in to sleep with the fishes. Luckily, I had two Olympic gold medals in Long Distance Swimming, so I swam back to Washington D.C. for a new body suit and to get my nails done. I was immediately sent back to Saudi Arabia to finish the job.


* intermission *

My second contact was the Sultan of New Delhi. He was one of the most powerful men in the world (He has Bill Gates eating out of his hand). I was supposed to put a big in his phone, so… I posed as Tonya Harding. I dazzled him by rollerblading into his court in a sequin bathing suit and finished up with an outstanding comedy routine (did you hear the one about Bill Clinton and the bridge he built between the generations? *crickets chirping* Well, HE though it was funny!) Anyway, I was immediately hired as his court jester which made it easy for me to plant the bug on the phone. Unfortunately, the micro-chip was starting to irritate my sinuses, so I left New Delhi and hurried on to Reykjavik to deliver it.

One my way to Reykjavik, I was captured by the militant wing of M.A.R.L (Mothers Against Red Leather) who were also in cahoots with the lord of the Underworld, Jim Bakker and his trusty sidekick, Tammy Faye. I was duct taped to a particle board coffee table and subjected to the horrors of torture (Tammy Faye gave me a makeover). Finally after hours of rubbing my nose with feathers, I sneezed. Luckily, I was able to combine it with a cough, so I swallowed the micro chip. Then they forced me to drink Wendy’s Frosties, Bean Dip, Bananas and Prune Juice. When I thought I could take no more, my good friend Shirley Temple made a daring rescue and we narrowly escaped. We proceeded to the Yangtze River and were greeted by out fellow S.F.U.A.’s. We all traveled back to Reykjavik where I went 8 hours of surgery to remove the micro-chip from my lower intestine. (They also found my allowance from the 2nd grade and my lucky guitar pick!) I the delivered my spy list undies to the BOSS of the world, Mr……

Oh my it’s getting late, I must go. Anyway, I hope you understand how difficult it was for me to write. Still, I guess I could have sent you a postcard from “Bakker Land” (the Arabian version of Disneyland with even more money laundering and fake eyelashes than the real one!). I miss you and I hope to see you and everyone else if I come home for Christmas.

Love,
S.F.U.A. Basey

p.s. THIS LETTER WILL SELF-DESTRUCT IN 10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1! 1! 1!1! Damn, this thing must be broken…Well, just burn it then….

Love,
~erin

Post Secret Book Signing

Tattered Cover Book Store

Store Events - January 17, 7:30 PM

Time: Wednesday, January 17, 2007 7:30 PM Location: Historic LoDo Title of Event: Frank Warren - The Secret Lives of Men & Women Frank Warren, creator of the PostSecret community art project, which encouraged people around the world to send him postcards with secrets on them to be posted anonymously on his website, will discuss and sign his book The Secret Lives of Men & Women ($21.95 HarperCollins). This extraordinary collection brings together the most powerful, personal, and beautifully intimate secrets Frank Warren has received - and brilliantly illuminates that human emotions can be unique and universal at the same time.

www.postsecret.com is one of my favorite websites. They post new secrets every Sunday. If you haven't yet, check it out.

Tying Up Loose Ends…

I am finally home in Colorado after 4 trips out of state over the holiday season (business and family) and it feels good. I like traveling to an extent, but that many trips in such a short space of time is kind of exhausting. It’s so nice not to be living out of a suitcase anymore! But everything was worth it.

I got to do my first install in Portland, and though those 2 trips were nightmarish on a grand scale, I still learned a lot. After that, we drove to Oklahoma City to see Tim’s family (a loooong drive) for Christmas. Then after New Years, I flew back to Portland to visit my family and to manage the install takedown. I just got back on Friday. Needless to say, I was homesick beyond belief and nearly delirious with happiness at seeing Tim again.

I can’t understand how people leave their homes and spouses for extended periods of time. It’s so difficult. So, my plan is to try and keep my solo trips to 3-4 days in the future, and if it’s gonna be longer, find some way to take him with me. I might get to fly to Hawaii for a presentation in the spring, and I’m already scoping out tickets so that Tim can fly out too. Hawaii would be fun, but without him? Meh…

While I was out in Portland, there started to be a lot of talk about our 10 year high school reunion. A large percentage of the class is on MySpace and we have a forum there where things just started to snowball. It looks like they are going to do it in Portland (YAY!) at a resort (YAY!) and it’s going to be a multi-class reunion.

My school was incredibly small, and my graduating class was only 26 people. As a result, most of the people hung out with everyone else. Upper classmen, lower classmen, people that had graduated 3 years earlier. It was a giant dysfunctional family. To be fair, I hated almost everyone and I’m pretty sure no one was very fond of me.

Still, I’m excited to go and see a few of the folks who I did bond with. A few friends have mentioned not wanting to go, and at first I felt the same way. I don’t have a lot in common with most of those people. I don’t even have a lot in common with most of my friends from high school that I am still friends with. I’ve branched out in my own direction. My best friend has lived a completely different sort of life from me (abroad, and now in New York), and the girls I spent time with since childhood still live in Oregon. Out in Colorado, I have my own circle of interest that is far from where I thought I’d be, and far from where most of my class is.

But, I am happy. I’m not looking for acceptance from the small town people or anyone else. I still feel a twinge of anxiety when I think about how cruel some of them were, but then again, most of them have grown beyond that. I doubt very much that this reunion will be anything more than a good time. I went with Tim last year to his 10 Year and it was so fun. I didn’t even know any of those people, but I got to meet a few of Tim’s old friends and we all ended up having a blast.

Anyways, if the whole thing turns out lame, at least we’re in Portland. Maybe we could just drive to the coast or something…

That’s all for now,

~e

homecoming senior year

homecoming senior year
Originally uploaded by villanovababy.

For Jack....

Family-ness

I had a great time in Portland visiting with Echo and My family.













Echo, Utku & MarVi picked me up from the airport and we all went downtown and had lunch. It was so wonderful getting to spend time with those guys. Utku and Echo are living this amazing life in New York. They are both teaching right now. Utku is going to school as well as working, and Echo is teaching adult ESL classes.












I stayed with Mary & Matt for a night and got to spend some quality time with my little nephew, Mathew. He is going to be a big brother soon. Mary is due this summer with her second baby. They are the cutest little family!

After that, I went out to my parent's house and spent a couple days just hanging out with Jackson, Emily and My Parents. It was so nice just to have time to visit and hang out for a few days. On saturday night we had a birthday party for Mom, Dad, Mary and Matt who all have January birthdays.

We opened presents.













We had a pinata.

Rita was the one to finally break it.










Candy grabbing ensued.












Emily made a lovely cake.












We all sucked helium and sang together in a chipmunk chorus...












aahh, memories.

Happy New Years!

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Originally uploaded by villanovababy.

I came, I saw, I drank enough champagne to float a battleship! Tim tucked me in last night and I slept like a LOG. I promptly woke up with a wicked cold. I made it through the party season and now, I've succumbed to the awful plague.... *sniffle sniffle*

2006 was such an amazing year. I started it with no job, feeling lost, and having only Tim steadying me through the storm of emotions that followed my military separation. It was luck that I ended up at doing this amazing job at Evergreen. It was luck that I found something that boosted my confidence and gave me direction. Even though I don't really know what will happen in 2007, I imagine that most of it will be unplanned and a surprise. I like flying by the seat of my pants. I'm open to whatever life has to toss at me...

Most of all, I am glad to be starting a new year with Tim. Everytime we weather a little argument, or try something new together, or spend time traveling this great state... I'm grateful that we found each other and that I have someone so wonderful to share my life with.

I do have goals for the New Year... We want to go to Europe (we've been saving...) and we want to buy a home here in Denver. I'd really love to have something of my own that I can fix up and invest in. I plan on getting closer with my family and all my new friends. I plan on moving my career ahead. I have big ideas about the life I want to have and I'm finally ready to look forward and make it happen.

Enough pep talks... I have to go load up on vitamin c and knock this cold into submission...